Friday, August 31, 2012

To the Person Who Puts Stickers on Fruit that You Cannot Get Off... F*ck You!

To the person who puts the stickers on the certain fruits so that they cannot be removed...  without destroying the fruit in the process...  FUCK YOU!!!

To the People Who Stop Following Me or Unfriend Me...

To those who unfriend me, if you don't like the funny, helpful, inspirational, motivataional, entertaining, non-offensive stuff I post... then go fuck yourself!

Sunday, August 26, 2012

When Life Gives You a Lemon Tree...

Sometimes when life give you lemons you make lemonade,  but...

When Life Gives You a Lemon Tree...It's Time to Start Growing Something New

Teenagers Claiming There Isn't Anything to Eat in the House

Teenagers claiming there isn't anything to eat in the house...  then you check and there is all kinds of food everywhere.  Then you say to them "You mean there is nothing that you want to eat??"

It also goes along the line of coming up with something to complain about when they are bored and have nothing else to do...

Friday, August 24, 2012

Making Someone Who is Funny Laugh

You know you are having a good night when you bump into Wanda Sikes in the grocery store and you can make her laugh...

I see her in the grocery store often, but respect her privacy.  However tonight I had to reach over her cart to get something and made a joke about the store always being out of the crap that you want which she got a good chuckle out of.  Gotta love Wanda, one of the funniest women there is...

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Tons of Stuff We Carry in Our Cars

You never really understand how much sh*t you have in your car until its time to clean it out for trade-in. I think it could all fit in a spare room in my house.

I went 6 years thinking I didn't have a handle to my tire jack and have been using a stupid screw driver to jack up my car.  Today I discovered the jack handle in a hidden compartment when I was cleaning out the cargo area.  Ooops.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Flying Monkeys and it isn't the Wizard of Oz

So my daughter and I were sitting on the porch talking this evening.  Yes, I have a teenager that actually talks to their parent.  She tells me that she had a dream last night that our town was invaded by monkeys.  With jet packs, weapons, and all...    How do you even respond to something like that?  

She seems to have this thing with monkeys.  When she was younger, she comes downstairs and says "I may be dreaming because I just woke up, but I swear I just saw two monkeys in the tree in the backyard".    After I laughed uncontrollably she said "Well, the could have escaped from the zoo!"  Regaining my composure, I questioned her on what exactly they looked like.  Convinced that she actually saw something, although most likely not a monkey, I rummaged through some photos on the internet, then showed her a picture.  Bingo!  She apparently saw a couple of the opossums that were living in our neighborhood at the time.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Plants Gone Wild: Part 5 - Sitting Garden On the Mend

More progress on my sitting garden this weekend.  Like to spend hours working on it not minutes so that is pretty much when any work gets done!

Plants gone wild:  Not so much any more. With still a lot of work to go, my overgrown front garden is turning into a nice sitting garden.
Plants gone wild:  Not so much any more. With still a lot of work to go, my overgrown front garden is turning into a nice sitting garden.

What I learned today:
1) Ivy has a mind of it's own.  It will grow one direction and as soon as it spots a wall to climb, it will turn 90 degrees and grow that direction.  I swear!
2) When having a drink tucked under your arm and holding a tool in the other, don't bend over to set the tool down.
3) Pulling on an ivy vine is kind of like "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop".  You keep pulling and pulling and pulling, then you just wanna break the damn thing off!

Plants gone wild:  A view from my sitting garden chilling out under a tree during a break on a hot humid day.
Plants gone wild:  A view from my sitting garden chilling out under a tree during a break on a hot humid day.